Life on Mars, John Simm

Abnormal bleeding

I went to the toilet this morning, and when I wiped there was blood on the toilet paper. I've looked at the internet and apparently this is a sign of miscarriage and vaginal lacerations, among other things. Should I be worried?
Life on Mars, John Simm

(no subject)

Dear Dr. Eljay,

I gained 3 kilograms today. I am also having lower abdominal cramps and my breasts are bigger and really sore.

Do I have cancer or is it something more serious?
hat

halp halp halp halp

I haven't had sex with a man EVER, in my ENTIRE LIFE, but I keep having to pee every hour! Dr. LJ, SAVE ME. AM I PREGNANT OR NOT???

Oh, and it's been two days since my last period. AM I?????
Empire Records!

Dear Dr. Eljay

Doctor I have two problems:

Okay first yesterday I ate an apple oddly I guess because now some of my teeth are all hot and cold sensitive. I googled hot and cold sensitivity and it's all like "so when you brake your teeth they become sensitive" but I think I would notice if my teeth were broken, right? What can I do to make them become normal again?

Second I slept on my shoulder funny yesterday and it still really hurts. What should I do to make it hurt less?

Serious and not serious answers of course welcome.
cartooned

Do I have scabies, y/y?

Dear Dr Eljay,

I have a bunch of little rashes or bites or something. They look a little bit like a mosquito bite, but more painful than itchy, and they have a small head (maybe 1mm dia) in the middle which releases clear fluid when it comes off.

As far as I know, I don't have any biting bugs in and around my house, but I could be wrong.

They've been developing over the last couple of days, I now have about 10 or 15 scattered around my torso & upper arms.

What's causing them? How do I treat them?

Oh, and if you tell me to go to a real doctor, well, I DON'T WANNA.

(x-posted from TQC)